Stepping Out of the Box

My friend Hannah, a freelance journalist, just took a seasonal job as a park ranger at a local and popular Federal Park.  Over a glass of wine, I listened to her stories of the first week on the job.  There was a lightness in her voice as she described the people she’s met, the tours she’ led, her plans for the summer. Hannah hasn’t had the easiest time of it lately. So it was so gratifying to see her talking with such enthusiasm. Her face was literally glowing.


My friend Henry, a financial analyst by day, is less than thrilled with his work situation. High stress and long hours mean that he usually looks like he hasn’t slept for a year, and he usually hasn’t.  Most weekends Henry sleeps late, takes care of errands, laundry, dry cleaning, a bit of cleaning, and then sleeps some more. The goal on days off is to recover and get ready for the next week of more of the same. But on long weekends and vacations he somehow finds the energy to literally climb mountains. Henry travels around the world, scaling some of its highest peeks. When he talks about his adventures, his face lights up like a candle. Gone are tired, bored, blood shot eyes, replaced by sparkle and a quick and easy smile.


My friend Rachel, is an entrepreneur, who works 7 day a week, trying to take a new business to the next level. As anyone who has ever tried to start and run a new business knows, it is all consuming, exhausting work. You are accountant, marketing guru, IT expert, janitor, receptionist, and any other job that needs to be done. You are responsible for everything, all the time.  Money is also almost always tight, so you cut out dinners out with friends, manicures, new clothes, and anything else that's not business related. So I was thrilled to get Rachel’s e-mail about a recent excursion to the ice rink. Rachel took up short track speed skating as an adult, and had put it aside in recent months in deference to her business. Speed skating certainly isn’t a cheap hobby, and it also requires a significant time investment.  But I literally felt the joy coming through the computer as she described being back at the rink, and how sore she was from her first workout in months.

All these stories got me thinking. What is it about stepping out of the box, trying something new that makes us come alive?

I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that I started taking dance classes again after a long absence. I can’t find words to describe how much fun I have. I practically run out of the office to class after work. And I find lately I have much more energy for the rest of life. Earlier this week, I aggravated an old back injury. I sit and write this morning battling a bit of depression having missed classes most of this week. If I don’t get my tap shoes back on I don’t know what I will do.

Doing new or different, particularly after you’ve reached your 40s or 50s, as Hannah, Henry, Rachel and I all have, isn’t always easy. I can hear people saying I have a job to do, bills to pay, a family to care for, etc. I don't have time to climb mountains. But doing something just for you, that makes your heart sing, no matter what your age, no matter how much time you have, seems to go a long way toward making life more interesting and the everyday stuff more manageable. 

Can't go for a hike? Walk or drive a new route to work.  Can't take a trip to Italy? Steal 20 minutes at lunch time to try the new local espresso bar. Can't afford a course in something new? Turn off the tv and read a book on the subject. There are a million little ways to keep things interesting. And hey, if it makes you laugh and smile, it has to be worth the investment.  

What do you do to keep life interesting?

Become a member or follow by email and share the ways you keep life interesting.

I hope you'll come back soon!

Kellie
artofliving@kellietabron.com

    

Having Fun – Dancing

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."
                                                                                 -- Dave Barry
I took my first ballet class when I was just 5 years old. It was my mother’s dream for her daughters to take dance lessons; as a girl she couldn’t afford them. She actually went back to work once we were in school so she could pay for them. (By the way, as Moms go, mine rocks.) My younger sister and I learned ballet, jazz, and tap too, at Miss Barbara's School of Dance. We would perform in school events and at dance recitals, and even put on shows for the neighbors.

I danced through my early 20s, but as it happens, I got older and turned my attention to more “grown up” pursuits, working far too many hours, and leaving the dancing to the “kids.” That is, until recently.  I sat in the audience of a Broadway musical one night watching the performers spin and jump about and I wondered why I ever stopepd.  I mean I love everything about Broadway shows...the lights, the music, the singing, and yes, the dancing. 

Broadway plays are on my top ten “Why I live in New York City” list, right up there with early Sunday mornings in Central Park, late night jazz clubs, and people from every culture, religion, and socio-economic background as my neighbors and friends. I will, and have, literally skip a meal to afford the cost of ticket to see a show. There is nothing like the Broadway “experience.” The lights of Times Square, the energy of thousands of people converging on various theaters with excitement and anticipation for that 8:00 curtain, there is nothing like it. Where would I be had I continued to pursue my classes?

Sure, I have a good job, a nice home, great friends, and a family who loves me. But fun? How much of that do I really have now? Over the past few years, I suddenly lost my father and several close friends, my love life has been less than inspiring to say the least, and despite loving my work, I recently struggled with a severe case of severe burn out. I do things I enjoy for sure, but having fun has recently slipped to a miserably low spot on the “to do” list.

A year ago, I was going to the gym regularly, doing aerobics, and using the machines, and it was fine. Then last year, on my birthday, feeling a bit old and bored with life, I wanted to shake things up and try something new. I wandered over to the gym for a Zumba class. I’d been hearing about the Latin-fused dance work out for awhile, and had a feeling it would be right up my alley. Well! One class and I was hooked. What a great birthday present to myself!  A year later I am dancing Zumba a few times a week, as well as other kinds of dancing too, Salsa, ballet, and even jazz again. I am an official dancing fool. And as I quickly close in on a mile stone middle aged birthday, I will tell you that for some reason, dancing at this age is even more fun than the first time around.

There's something about challenging yourself at this age.  Daring to go places where the people in the room are often younger, hipper, and more fit can be intimidating if you let it be.  I did it at 40 when already holding down a demanding, high pressure job, I decided to go back to school and get my Masters in Journalism. One of the oldest people in the program, I was exhausted for three years. It remains one of the hardest things I ever did, and I had plenty of people telling me to quit, that it was too hard.  “You already have a great job.”  Truth was, I had a well paying job, but it wasn’t a great job, at least not for me. I was bored, uninspired, and longed to feel engaged with my work and my life. I was not willing to accept that “you work, you age, you die” mentality. Being a student again sparked all kinds of new interests and life changes. I left my “good job,” and changed careers, made interesting new friends, and now write for a living as I always wanted to.
It was damned hard working all day, and going to school at night, but it was worth every minute of struggle. There's something similar in this dancing. 

To say it is one of the best things I’ve done for myself in a long time would be a gross understatement. I am no longer a teenager worried about grades and getting into college, or concerned about how my body looks in a leotard.  I am not a twenty-something thinking I should be more concerned with "serious pursuits" like building a career or finding a mate.
Today, 40 something Kellie, makes dance class a priority a few times a week. Where before I planned my classes around the rest of life, now my classes come first. I dance today because Zumba makes me feel sexy, alive, and happy. It's a small thing, but when I recently mastered a difficut Samba move, you could not tell me I wasn't as good as any contestant on Dancing With the Stars!  Pure fun!

Few things make me happier than when I am dancing, (or singing, or listening to someone else do it.) I’ve even given up my gym membership just to dance. It is what I did before gyms ever existed. I mean come on…an elliptical machine will do the job, but fun and inspiring? Not so much. When I leave those classes I am literally floating on a cloud. How could I not be? There is nothing bad about it, music, moving, sweating, it’s all good. When I recently took my first class at a new studio, afterward the teacher commented “You are a beautiful dancer.” What? You may as well have told me I had a part in one of those Broadway shows I love. That comment may have possibly made my year, and it just started! (Check out Misty Clark’s M Dance Fitness Her classes are great!)

And the byproducts, of little interest to me as a kid, are phenomenal. I am getting exercise, releasing stress, sleeping better, and finally losing some stubborn lbs for the first time in years. Turns out having fun is pretty easy to do when you follow what you love. Will I end up on Broadway? Not likely. But getting back in touch with my inner J-Lo has inspired many other great changes in my life too, and they all happen to be fun-related. It's amazing how passion and mastery in one area of your life can spill over into other areas. Some time soon I'll post about my new solo singing career!

And it all started with a little awareness and one simple question: When’s the last time you had some fun?  If it has been awhile for you, I highly recommend it!

Become a member or follow by email and share the ways you have fun in your life.

I hope you'll come back soon!

Kellie
artofliving@kellietabron.com

Practicing Quiet

Upper West Side - New York City

It is early morning on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. The sun has yet to break the tree line over nearby Central Park.  When it does, it will flood my tiny apartment with the warm, orangey glow that signals it is time to hop in the shower and get ready for work. But the time before that is my favorite part of the day. It is when the moon, and sometimes even a few stars, lingers above the courtyard below. It is the small sliver of time between waking and the hustle and bustle of life...ringing phones, email alerts, appointments to make, deadlines to meet…before anyone wants anything from me.

Three sharp beeps on the coffee machine signal 5:45 a.m. I roll out of bed and breathe in the intoxicating scent of my favorite freshly brewed Dunkin Donuts coffee. I head for the kitchen and pull the carafe from its altar, and pour a cup of the steaming hot, early morning nectar into my favorite oversized red ceramic mug. Throwing the soft blue blanket, a gift from a close friend, around my shoulders, I retreat to my favorite Pottery Barn, Malabar chair, that I found last year on Craig’s List for a steal. And then I sit... quietly, cupping the hot mug, and slowly sipping. I close my eyes and take in the glorious quiet that is morning. Except for the faint chirp of a bird in the tree outside the window, and the gentle hiss of the radiator, the room is magnificently silent.

This is a ritual I’ve been starting my day with for about 9 months now. Sometimes I sit for 15 minutes and other times I stay for an hour. Some days I read a passage from Mark Nepo’s amazing work “The Book of Awakening,” other times I meditate to a Tara Brach podcast, some days I write in my journal, and still other times I just sit and take in the nourishing quiet and focus on breathing, in...and breathing out...

I used to think I didn’t have the time to do this. I’d get up with just enough time to shower and change, then rush out the door, fighting against and bemoaning the hoards on the subway and the long lines to get breakfast. But now I make the time, because whether I sit for 10 minutes or 60, this daily habit has changed my life.

It doesn't seem like anything is happening while I am sitting. But what I've noticed is that when my feet hit the New York City pavement I don't seem to be rushing along with the crowd as I once did. I go at my own pace, even as crazed subway riders dart around me, I walk along evenly, without rushing. It seems this coming awake with the natural rhythm of the world allows me to get in touch with what’s happening inside of me and as a result I am less concerned with what other people are doing.

One of my favorite ways to spend the time is to make mental lists about things for which I am grateful, family, friends, a lovely conversation the day before with a colleague, a memory of a great play I saw the night before.  Still other times I just sit there and watch the light slowly fill the room as I sip my coffee. It's a gentle, purposeful way to become a part of life rather than trying to catch up to it.

I suppose, like Yoga, the breathing part of this simple quiet time is what is most significant. And by doing this “practice” every day, I have started to associate breathing with a calm, peaceful, sometimes even joyful state. It’s not always conscious, I am not going around thinking about how peaceful I am all day. But I’ve noticed that my body has started to associate breathing with a more centered approach to life. I once had a friend say “You need to wear your life like a loose garment.” Now I know what she meant.

My quiet practice has helped me, as Tara Brach says, to “notice” events and emotions rather than react to them. And it is a “practice” for sure. In other words, I am never perfect. I get royally pissed off sometimes! Like when people walk down a crowded city sidewalk on the left side, it drives me crazy!  This is not England! We walk and drive on the right hand side!  But the difference with my quiet practice is that now, I am much more aware that in every situation, good or difficult, I can choose to respond in quiet way. I now refrain from blurting out you’re on the wrong side! … well, most of the time anyway.  Life feels so much simpler and enjoyable now.

When I saw this recent “New York Times” article on the Joy of Quiet I knew I was on to something. This idea of taking time to go inside in order to function better when you are outside is gaining traction. This is not to say I expect that I will reach some internal nirvana where life is always joy and happiness. I once had the mistaken belief that if I regularly meditated, life would eventually get to some even, stress free place. The quiet practice has taught me that there is no "there" to get to. It is what is here now that matters. Now my goal is to stay present to the moment longer. And when I leave the present and start darting around in my “to do” lists, bills, and other concerns, I notice, at least sooner than before, and then remember to get back to breathing, to quiet...to me.

Become a member or follow by email and share the ways you find quiet in your life.

I hope you'll come back soon!

Kellie
artofliving@kellietabron.com

Welcome to "The Art of Living"

 
Welcome to my blog "The Art of Living." For many of us, recent years have been challenging, spiritually, financially, physically, it seems, more than usual, life has included our share of struggles. Whether it’s dealing with aging relatives, a lost job or career, a business failure, a serious illness, instead of cruising to the next stage of life, many of us, including me, are literally starting over.

While the tendency might easily and understandable be to lament such a situation, I have decided, instead, to see these circumstances as an opportunity, armed with precious knowledge and experience, to begin again.

I have noticed particularly among my women friends, although many of my male buddies seem to be experiencing the same thing, that they’ve started to focus more on living life on their own terms. Having put aside our own needs for the first half of the journey, whether it was in deference to family members, friends, employers, and essentially anyone else who needed anything, we’ve started putting our own needs first.

In 2011, I started making it more about me. Some by choice, some by circumstance, I simply let go of everyone and everything in my life that didn’t honor who I was and who I wanted to be. It wasn’t easy. It’s sometimes hard to see that something isn’t working for you, and it’s harder still to walk away from habits, especially relationships with people who have been a part of your life for a long time. After I essentially cleaned house, what was left was a big empty, and sometimes incredibly lonely, space that I have since been refilling with a life of my own creation.

Now, some months later, however difficult it was, and sometimes still is, I have never been more certain of anything…letting go of what wasn't working for me was the smartest thing I've ever done. This is not to say that when someone or something needs my attention that I don't make myself available, I do. But I got into the habit of being there for everyone, no matter what the personal cost, and while I believe life is meant to be about service, I don't believe it should necessarily be at my personal expense. There is no 1:1 reciprocity in life, but one must also be open to receive.

This is not an advice column. I’ve started this blog because I’ve learned quite a lot about myself in the past few years and I sense there are many others out there in a similar space who have much to share. Here, I will offer some of what I do to make my life less of a series of “have tos” and obligations and more of a work of art.And whatever your situation, whether you’ve been giving too much, trying too much, accepting too much, or asking for too little in your own life, I hope that you’ll find something here you can use to nurture your own existence or share ideas that have helped you make art in your own life.
Take what you need and leave the rest. Visit again, comment, discuss, I hope you come back soon.

Kellie
artofliving@kellietabron.com