The Art of Living

Having Fun Part 1 – Dancing

2012-02-13T18:15:00.000-08:00

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."
-- Dave Barry
I took my first ballet class when I was just 5 years old. Itwas my mother’s dream for her daughters to take dance lessons; as a girl shecouldn’t afford them. She actually went back to work once we were in school topay for them. (By the way, as Moms go, mine rocks.) In addition to ballet, my youngersister and I learned jazz, and tap too, at Miss Barbara's School of Dance. We would perform in school events and at dancerecitals, and even put on shows for the neighbors.

I danced through my early 20s, but as it happens, I got older and turned my attention to more “grownup” pursuits, working far too many hours, and leaving the dancing to the“kids.” That is, until recently. I sat in the audience of a Broadwaymusical one night watching the performers spin and jump about and I wondered why I ever stopepd. I mean I love everythingabout Broadway shows...the lights, the music, the singing, and yes, the dancing.

Broadway plays are on my “Why I live in New York City” topten list, right up there with early Sunday morning in Central Park, late night jazzclubs, and that people from every culture, religion, and socio-economicbackground can live together on the same block and become friends. I will literallyskip a meal to afford the cost of ticket to see a show. I saw The Color Purple,Chorus Line, Les Miserables, and Man of LaMancha three times. Well, the truth is I would pay any amount towatch Brian Stokes Mitchell do just about anything, but I digress.

Whenfriend's who live elsewhere say “I saw the traveling show of ABC Musical in Toronto, or D.C.,or Buffalo, is there really a difference?” Uh, yes! I don’t have words to explain it, but thereis nothing like the Broadway “experience.” The lights of Times Square, theenergy of thousands of people converging on various theaters with excitement and anticipation for that 8:00 curtain, there is nothing like it. Where would I be had I continued to pursue my classes?

Sure, I have a good job, a nice home, great friends, and afamily who loves me. But fun? How much of that do I really have? And I had fun dancing. Life has also been fairly serious for me over the last 10 years. I suddenly lostmy father and several close friends, my love life has been less than inspiring tosay the least, and despite loving my work, I recently struggled with a severecase of burn out. I do things I enjoy for sure, but having fun slipped to amiserably low spot on the “to do” list.

A year ago, I was going to the gym regularly, trying to get back inshape, doing a unique form of aerobics combined with positive affirmationscalled Intensati (www.Intensati.com) thatI’d heard about one Sunday at Unity Church. Developed by Patricia Moreno, aninspiring, smart woman who overcame weight, self esteem, and other issues, Itried it and became quite the fanatic. Itwas an excellent work out and cleared away many of the negative thoughtpatterns that were plaguing me at the time. But it started to feel a bit too serious. I eat a steady diet of selfimprovement. I’ve journaled for 37 years, I read books,take courses, meditate, go on retreats etc. I wanted my work outs to bepurely physical. I wanted to move and sweat and feel, not think and not talk. I wanted to have fun.

So last year, on my birthday, feeling a bit old and bored with life, I wanted to shake things upand try something new. I wandered over to the gym for a Zumba class. I’d beenhearing about the Latin-fused dance work out for awhile, and had a feeling itwould be right up my alley. Well! One class and I was hooked. What a greatbirthday present to myself! A year laterI am dancing Zumba a few times a week, as well as other kinds of dancing too,Salsa, ballet, and even jazz again. I aman official dancing fool. And as I quickly close in on a mile stone middle agedbirthday, I will tell you that for some reason, dancing at this age is even morefun than the first time around.

There's something about challenging yourself at this age. Daring to go places where the people in the room are often younger, hipper, and more fit can be intimidating if you let it be.

It’s very similar to when, at 40, already holding down ademanding, high pressure job, I decided to go back to school and get my Masters in Journalism. I wasamong the oldest people in the program and basically exhausted for three years. It remains one of the hardest things I ever did. Peoplekept asking me “Why are you doing this? You already have a great job.” No! I had a well paying job, for a prestigiouscompany (at least it was considered prestigious pre-08 crash!), but a great jobit wasn’t, at least not for me. I was bored, uninspired, and longed to feelengaged with my work and my life. I was not willing to accept that “you work,you age, you die” mentality. Yes workingfull time and then going to class at night, not to mention homework and tests,wasn’t easy. In fact, it was damned hard, but it was worth every minute ofstruggle. Being a student again sparked all kinds of new interests and lifechanges. I loved going to school,learning new things, interacting with people very different from the ones Iworked with everyday. I met journalists from India, Serbia, Brazil, and Africa,who are still my friends today. My professors were smart and encouraging. Unlikehigh school, or undergrad, grad school at 40 years old was not the next logicalstep on the life check list. I was therebecause I wanted to be, by choice. When I graduated and received my diploma, Ifelt proud of myself and empowered. I had kicked my overscheduled life’s assand persevered even though at least once a week I wanted, or someone advised me,to quit. Eventually, I left my “goodjob” to write for a living and today my work is filled with joy and meaning.

There’s something similar in this dancing. To say it is oneof the best things I’ve done for myself in a long time would be a gross understatement.Like teenaged student Kellie, who worried about grades and getting into college,and who missed the pure joy of learning, young dancing Kellie worried about howher body looked in a leotard, alwaysfeeling like her thighs were too big to be a dancer. There were moments when Ienjoyed myself for sure, but I had no realization, as most kids don’t, of whata wonderful experience I was having. Twenty-something Kellie felt she should beconcerned with more serious pursuits like building a career, and finding a man,not spending time and money on dance classes that would never lead to anythingimportant or meaningful, so I gave them up.

But today, 40 something Kellie makes it a priority to get to a dance class a few times a week. My dance classes are apermanent fixture in my outlook calendar. And where before I planned my classesaround the rest of life, now classes come first. Middle age Kellie dancesbecause Zumba makes her feel alive and sexy, and when she mastered a Sambamove last week, you could not tell her she wasn't as good as any contestant on Dancing With the Stars! Pure fun!

I am never ashappy as I am when I am dancing, singing, or listening to someone else do it. I’veeven given up my gym membership just to dance. It is what I did before gyms ever existed. I mean come on…an elliptical machine will dothe job, but fun and inspiring? Not so much. WhenI leave those classes I am literally floating on a cloud. How could I not be? There is nothing badabout it, music, moving, sweating, it’s all good. When I recently took my first class ata new studio, afterward the teacher commented “You are a beautiful dancer.”What? You may as well have told me I had a part in one of those Broadway shows I love. That comment may have possibly made my year and it just started! Perhaps I hadn’t lost all of my dancingskills after all. Check out Misty Clark’s M Dance Fitness (Her classes aregreat!)

And the byproducts, of little interest to me as a kid, arephenomenal. I am getting exercise,releasing stress, sleeping better, and finally losing some stubborn lbs for thefirst time in years. And it ain’t hard! I am not trying to have fun, I just am! Turnsout it is pretty easy to do. Follow whatyou love and fun appears, it’s kind of simple. Will I end up on Broadway? Notlikely. Do I wish my thighs weresmaller? Yep, still do. I might be 20 years older, but I am still a woman! Butgetting back in touch with my inner J-Lo has inspired many other great changes inmy life too, and they all happen to be fun-related. It's amazing how passion and mastery in one area of your life can spill over into other areas. Look for part2, my next post about my new solo singing career!

And it all started with a little awareness and one simplequestion: When’s the last time you had some fun? If it has been awhile for you, I highly recommend it!

Become a member or follow by email and share the ways you have fun in your life.

I hope you'll come back soon!

Kellie
artofliving@kellietabron.com

Practicing Quiet

2012-01-10T05:25:00.000-08:00

Upper West Side - New York City

It is early morning on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. The sun has yet to break the tree line over nearby Central Park. When it does, it will flood my tiny apartment with the warm, orangey glow that signals it is time to hop in the shower and get ready for work. But the time before that is my favorite part of the day. It is when the moon, and sometimes even a few stars, lingers above the courtyard below. It is the small sliver of time between waking and the hustle and bustle of life...ringing phones, email alerts, appointments to make, deadlines to meet…before anyone wants anything from me.

Three sharp beeps on the coffee machine signal 5:45 a.m. I roll out of bed and breathe in the intoxicating scent of my favorite freshly brewed Dunkin Donuts coffee. I head for the kitchen and pull the carafe from its altar, and pour a cup of the steaming hot, early morning nectar into my favorite oversized red ceramic mug. Throwing the soft blue blanket, a gift from a close friend, around my shoulders, I retreat to my favorite Pottery Barn, Malabar chair, that I found last year on Craig’s List for a steal. And then I sit... quietly, cupping the hot mug, and slowly sipping. I close my eyes and take in the glorious quiet that is morning. Except for the faint chirp of a bird in the tree outside the window, and the gentle hiss of the radiator, the room is magnificently silent.

This is a ritual I’ve been starting my day with for about 9 months now. Sometimes I sit for 15 minutes and other times I stay for an hour. Some days I read a passage from Mark Nepo’s amazing work “The Book of Awakening,” other times I meditate to a Tara Brach podcast, some days I write in my journal, and still other times I just sit and take in the nourishing quiet and focus on breathing, in...and breathing out...

I used to think I didn’t have the time to do this. I’d get up with just enough time to shower and change, then rush out the door, fighting against and bemoaning the hoards on the subway and the long lines to get breakfast. But now I make the time, because whether I sit for 10 minutes or 60, this daily habit has changed my life.

It doesn't seem like anything is happening while I am sitting. But what I've noticed is that when my feet hit the New York City pavement I don't seem to be rushing along with the crowd as I once did. I go at my own pace, even as crazed subway riders dart around me, I walk along evenly, without rushing. It seems this coming awake with the natural rhythm of the world allows me to get in touch with what’s happening inside of me and as a result I am less concerned with what other people are doing.

One of my favorite ways to spend the time is to make mental lists about things for which I am grateful, family, friends, a lovely conversation the day before with a colleague, a memory of a great play I saw the night before. Still other times I just sit there and watch the light slowly fill the room as I sip my coffee. It's a gentle, purposeful way to become a part of life rather than trying to catch up to it.

I suppose, like Yoga, the breathing part of this simple quiet time is what is most significant. And by doing this “practice” every day, I have started to associate breathing with a calm, peaceful, sometimes even joyful state. It’s not always conscious, I am not going around thinking about how peaceful I am all day. But I’ve noticed that my body has started to associate breathing with a more centered approach to life. I once had a friend say “You need to wear your life like a loose garment.” Now I know what she meant.

My quiet practice has helped me, as Tara Brach says, to “notice” events and emotions rather than react to them. And it is a “practice” for sure. In other words, I am never perfect. I get royally pissed off sometimes! Like when people walk down a crowded city sidewalk on the left side, it drives me crazy! This is not England! We walk and drive on the right hand side! But the difference with my quiet practice is that now, I am much more aware that in every situation, good or difficult, I can choose to respond in quiet way. I now refrain from blurting out you’re on the wrong side! … well, most of the time anyway. Life feels so much simpler and enjoyable now.

When I saw this recent “New York Times” article on the Joy of Quiet I knew I was on to something. This idea of taking time to go inside in order to function better when you are outside is gaining traction. This is not to say I expect that I will reach some internal nirvana where life is always joy and happiness. I once had the mistaken belief that if I regularly meditated, life would eventually get to some even, stress free place. The quiet practice has taught me that there is no "there" to get to. It is what is here now that matters. Now my goal is to stay present to the moment longer. And when I leave the present and start darting around in my “to do” lists, bills, and other concerns, I notice, at least sooner than before, and then remember to get back to breathing, to quiet...to me.

Become a member or follow by email and share the ways you find quiet in your life.

I hope you'll come back soon!

Kellie
artofliving@kellietabron.com

Welcome to "The Art of Living"

2012-01-02T07:43:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog "The Art of Living." For many of us, recent years have been challenging, spiritually, financially, physically, it seems, more than usual, life has included our share of struggles. Whether it’s dealing with aging relatives, a lost job or career, a business failure, a serious illness, instead of cruising to the next stage of life, many of us, including me, are literally starting over.

While the tendency might easily and understandable be to lament such a situation, I have decided, instead, to see these circumstances as an opportunity, armed with precious knowledge and experience, to begin again.

I have noticed particularly among my women friends, although many of my male buddies seem to be experiencing the same thing, that they’ve started to focus more on living life on their own terms.Having put aside our own needs for the first half of the journey, whether it was in deference to family members, friends, employers, and essentially anyone else who needed anything, we’ve started putting our own needs first.

In 2011, I started making it more about me. Some by choice, some by circumstance, I simply let go of everyone and everything in my life that didn’t honor who I was and who I wanted to be. It wasn’t easy. It’s sometimes hard to see that something isn’t working for you, and it’s harder still to walk away from habits, especially relationships with people who have been a part of your life for a long time. After I essentially cleaned house, what was left was a big empty, and sometimes incredibly lonely, space that I have since been refilling with a life of my own creation.

Now, some months later, however difficult it was, and sometimes still is, I have never been more certain of anything…letting go of what wasn't working for me was the smartest thing I've ever done. This is not to say that when someone or something needs my attention that I don't make myself available, I do. But I got into the habit of being there for everyone, no matter what the personal cost, and while I believe life is meant to be about service, I don't believe it should necessarily be at my personal expense. There is no 1:1 reciprocity in life, but one must also be open to receive.

This is not an advice column. I’ve started this blog because I’ve learned quite a lot about myself in the past few years and I sense there are many others out there in a similar space who have much to share. Here, I will offer some of what I do to make my life less of a series of “have tos” and obligations and more of a work of art.And whatever your situation, whether you’ve been giving too much, trying too much, accepting too much, or asking for too little in your own life, I hope that you’ll find something here you can use to nurture your own existence or share ideas that have helped you make art in your own life.

Take what you need and leave the rest. Visit again, comment, discuss, I hope you come back soon.

See my first post "Practicing Quiet."

Kellie